2020 11 07: Red

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I am saddened that this project appears to be ending. I've had this thing going for about three years now, probably three and a quarter, and throughout that I have tried (what I believe to be unsuccessfully) to get my point about sexuality across. What is that point? I don't really know - I started this project just as a casual blog, and it developed into the complete clusterfuck it is today. I deleted the old stories because they didn't really fit the style I had going forward with this project, and were pretty terrible.

At this point i gotta tell you: I'm mostly drunk. I've had about half a bottle of red wine, and am still going to see if anything good came out of me; so I apologize if my writing is bad. Also I won't be editing this story at all.

Previously I have tried to publish stories weekly, and I haven't lately as I haven't had enough ideas to publish weekly, and the last time I published before this story specifically was like three weeks ago.

Again, I have tried to make this blog somewhat... nope that's not going anywhere.

Ten or so minutes ago before I started writing this story, I thought of it being a sort of surrealish explination about what my point to these stories is, but I can't even think of that. It's not like the alcohol is impairing my thought process, just my typing skills, I literally cannot think of the point I am trying to get across with these stories. Actually, I think I never even had one. When writing, I always just type and ask questions later - the same with this project. There is a reason as to why the stories are in no specific order - it's because I never had any specific plot line or anything.

I will continue writing, and I promise I will try to lead this project somewhere, but I can't really see any possibility as to where it will go.

Actually, I think I can decifer some meaning to these stories, it's that everyone is the same, more or less. I can remember a point in time when I was still in a relationship/friends with Tyler, where I wanted to impregnate him. Yes, actually. I remember him conforting a kid or something, he was sitting on the back of his feet, with his right hand on the kid'ss left shoulder. I can't really remember the context to that, nor can I remember why the kid was there, but as he was conforting the kid, I remember thinking, "He would make such a good mother". Well not literally that, I didn't say it, but that's what I thought, and also I thought the word "father" not "mother" but understood that in this context they would mean the same thing.

Nobody knows what causes queerness or whatever, and probably never will, but throughout this project I have learned that it doesn't really make a difference. Except in the cases of asexuality and stuff, everyone has the same reproduction and love that everyone else has. Gayness and stuff just comes from... a birth defect , or whatever. Not from a genetic something because that makes absolutely no fucking sense, but some kind of minor change that causes some people to be attracted to someting that isn't just the other gender. I apoligise for my writing - I'm completely drunk right now.

I hope that whomever finds these stories learns something frm them, because I fear that person won't.

I'm gonna go take a bath and then go to bed.