2019 09 01: Marissa Blanc

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I sat staring blankly as my hands clamped loosely around the warm ceramic cup of coffee I made for myself. Marissa interrupted me as she sat down on a chair next to me. "Hey!" she said to both get my attention and greet me. "Am I interrupting something?" I asked.

"Sorta, but I warped it up." She said. "What can I help you with?" in a friendly tone.

I sighed and thought about it now that I had to. Suddenly a quite young man in a suit walked into the kitchen-living area from the stairway, turned to face Marissa and said, "Bye, Marissa. See you next week!" While adjusting himself. Marissa smiled as a substitute for a goodbye. The young man then walked directly across the room, opened the front door, walked out, and shut it behind him, making a loud sound. I stared in confusion at the closed door, "Who was that?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it." Marissa said, paying attention to me. "So, why are you here?"

The silence was quite uncomfortable. "I'm just... I don't know..."

She looked into my eyes, "Could you be more specific?"

I slowly shook my head and sighed as I looked blankly off into nothingness "There's..." I said at a loss of words, I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn't. Instead I skipped right into the other thing: "I'm just depressed." I said.

"Has Amy been helping? Have you been going to her?"

"I've been going to see her - and she's good at what she does, just not for me."

"How so?"

"It's just... I can't really talk with her, it's weird how she had Tyler as a patient." I moved my left hand off of the mug and leaned my head on it, than immediately moved it back to the mug.

Marissa digested what I said. She opened her mouth to say something, but paused just before she did. After a few more seconds of thinking she said: "It's very hard to find therapists who are willing to help people like us. Currently, Amy is currently the only one in the LA area." She paused again, "I could-"

We were interrupted by another man's footsteps blundering down the stairs. He looked at Marissa, we both looked at him. "You'll Venmo me, Right?" He asked. "Yes, of course." Marissa said, she had obviously forgotten. He walked to the door, but then stopped and turned towards us again, "Are you guys dating?" Marissa thought about what to say quickly, "Yes!" She said. The man smiled at me, and then left.

I raised my arms let them flop against the chair and my thighs. "Is there anyone else in here?!?" I shouted up the stairs.

"Probably." Marissa said. I looked over at her, she looked at me like nothing had happened.

"Anyway," Marissa broke the silence, "I could try to find someone else for you to talk to, maybe move someone here."

"I don't know..." I said. I waved my left hand around in the air to signify indecision, "...Sure."

A few seconds of silence passed.

Marissa quickly inhaled, sighed in censored frustration, and looked into my eyes, "Anthony," She paused again, "my job is to help you in any way I can. And I can't do that if you won't let me. I can tell there's something else you want to say to me. Do you wanna tell me?"

I paused, I tried to, but it somehow felt wrong, I couldn't break a promise, even to a dead person. "No." I said.

Marissa let me think about what I said, "Okay." She accepted. "But remember, I'm always here."