2020 02 15: Jessica Cadaval

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Jessica opened the door to meet me. "Hey, what's up."

"Can I come in" I asked, in a manner that must have set a mild amount of worry into Jessica.

She hesitated - "Yeah, sure" She said.

I walked in past her, and into the living room just past a short hallway with one door. I stopped thinking I was invading.

Jessica shut the door, "What's up?" she asked.

"Can I," I stumbled, "Sit somewhere?"

Jessica paused again, "Yeah, sure." She led me to a couch. I sat down.

"What's up?" Jessica asked.

I stumbled again: "I, wa- Actu.. Tyle-.. Sorry what?"

"What?" Jessica tried to understand what I was saying.

"Sorry, I'm not doing so hot."

"I can tell" Jessica said.

I inhaled a lot of air, and sighed. Jessica sat down on a smaller couch ajacent to the one I was on.

"Did something happen?" Jessica asked, even though that was mostly not needed. "Yeah." I said. Her question mostly asked me "What happened?"

"It's just... My half brother/boyfriend-not-boyfriend/couleague shot himself."

Jessica kept looking at me, "Oh." She said, trying to be respectful and sympathetic.

Jessica paused for a second - "I have no idea how to respond to that - I'm... sorry." She shook her head lightly.

Jessica wanted to ask "When?" out of curiosity, but held back.

I sat in silence looking at Jessica. I felt like she was being exceptionally nice to me.

Like, I never came out to her, I somehow thought that she would be hung up on that, but she wasn't.

And now I'm hung up on that.

I kept looking at Jessica, but not really staying focused on her.

"Are you okay?" Jessica asked me.

I snapped back into reality, "Yeah, why?"

"I don't know, you were just a little out of it." She said back to me.

We looked at each other for a quick second. Jessica was wearing beaten light blue jeans, a purple-blue shirt and a white-colored heavy woll scarf.

"How are you?" she asked me.

"...Fine." I responded in a sad tone.

I exhaled through my nose, Jessica somewhat hung her head in respect.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

"No, not really."

She started to tear up herself. "...Do you want anything?"

"No."

"Should I leave you alone?"

"Yes, please."

She respectfully got up, and what seemed like in slow motion, walked away down a hallway and into a room.